pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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