Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
