i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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