The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
