and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
