Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
