Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
