My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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