.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
