it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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