I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
