It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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