is your mom at the bar?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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