What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
