how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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