this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
