You're my little dorito
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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