You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
