I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
