It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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