She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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