The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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