My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
