Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
