ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
