So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
