you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
