Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
