I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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