it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
