my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
