nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
