there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
