is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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