I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
