Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
