we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
