Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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