Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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