he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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