he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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