There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
