just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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