You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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