Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
