well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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