i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
