i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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