WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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