Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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