i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
