nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.