...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.