As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
