don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
