i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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