i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
