found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize