he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
