peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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