i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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