you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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