What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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