i think my tv is drunk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
