omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize