Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
