just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
