apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
