LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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