I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize