I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
