dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
