i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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