i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
