your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
