??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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