Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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